Woman's Best Friend: The Ultimate Battle Every Woman Must Face

As I have encouraged my friends to visit my blog, I have pointed out that my procrastination levels are at an all time high. They continue to climb. This is of course also a product of the fact that I suffer from exam period insomnia. This is not a clinical diagnosis. Nor, surprisely even a disease recognized within the medical profession to date. Fear not though, I am fighting (by way of raising awareness through my blog) for recongition. Nonetheless, I have suffered from it at all relevant times of my collegiate and now legal education. This cuento (that's spanish for "story") occurred during second semester freshmen year during which time I first began to understand and embrace what it meant to be in college. It meant that you never had to go to class and that frankly, you had little to no accountability whatsoever. Your main objective was, and probably should be, partying (of course for the purpose of self discovery) in true hippy style and mindset. So, after a semester of partial slacking (although compared to the slacking yet to come, this was nothing) I had some serious making up to do before exams. I didn't sleep for three straight days during exams. We're talking 72 straight hours of consciousness completely unassisted aside from small doses of caffeine in the wee hours of the morning. This came after roughly three weeks of minimal sleep, no more than 5 hours a night and on average I would say 3 hours a night. By the last day, I was basically not coherent. I attended my math final in this state.

My instructor was a rather frightening French graduate student named Yann. He was hysterical and frightening only because he was abrasively French. He swore and yelled. He was mean to children, smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, had a ponytail and wore tight jeans. You couldn't find a more stereotypical Frenchman. Here nor there. I commenced the exam and had a question on the last problem. I asked Yann who provided some insight that proved very helpful. I then went back to check my answers at which point I became very scared. More scared in fact than I had ever been of Yann. At this point, I would like to point out that Yann was only scary at the very beginning of the semester; we actually grew to be friends because he was a pretty hysterical guy. Back to the test. I was terrified because as I re-read the first problem I was sure I had never seen it before. It didn't even look remotely familiar so there was no way I had provided an answer to this problem just an hour and a half before. But as I looked over the answer to that and the remainder of the problems that my brain had expunged, they all looked correct. When I got my grade for the exam I had received a 96. Every semester at the University, roughly 500 to 700 students take this math class, the average for the exam was a 54. So, I like to think that my insomnia provides some benefits aside from memory loss, the obvious lack of sleep, and clear blogging addiction. But alas, we shall see when I receive my grades.

I now move on to the topic summarized in the heading of this blog entry: Woman's Best Friend; Dog, Shoes or Handbag. For those that know me, you know that this is, well, I am at a loss for words. The shoes thing I would like to tackle first.

If you don't think that's funny the first time you watch it. Give it at least two more times before you completely discount it. It took me three tries before I appreciated it. And, frankly, on the first go, I thought it was pathetic and not funny at all. Much like Zoolander, which I now hail as a hallmark of American cinematography.

So, shoes obviously make any outfit great. But the real question is their durability. You could spend a fortune on a pair of shoes and have them last 10 wears and be trashed. On the other hand, you could spend peanuts and get years of faithful use. Then, of course, there is the comfort issue. If they aren't comfortable, they are of no or limited use no matter how good they look. So, I have to say that although I love shoes and do appreciate each and every pair of my shoes, they are not the ultimate accessory.

This brings me to the handbag. Now, the handbag cannot fall victim to the same criticisms as shoes. If cared for properly, a good quality handbag could last a lifetime. They too make an outfit. Furthermore, they serve a functional purpose while never running the risk of discomfort (at least in no recorded cases I have heard of). They come in all shapes and sizes and can serve a variety of purposes, making them far more versatile than shoes. If you have really expensive ones they attract complements and clearly make people like you! Clearly, they have already beaten out the shoe. The real question is, can they beat out the dog?

The dog. I know what you're thinking: the ultimate accessory! Everyone is doing it! That's right, everyone from Paris to Brit Brit has a little pooch in tote. Although these little guys have passed their hay day we can't avoid the fact that their lifespan is longer than Paris' trend-life, so Tinkerbell is here for the next 7-12 years. Ok, in all seriousness, a dog, no matter what size has some great qualities as a woman's best friend. For one, it has more of a personality than a purse. And it doesn't talk back like Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie but you can tell it what to do. Plus, if you have a small dog, you can PUT IT IN YOUR PURSE. And they too attract complements and make people like you! I know, I know, you're all opening up another web browser right now to puppyfind.com to find your very own canine pal! It's a tough call, but I think the pooch wins!!! Yea!





Disclaimer: For those that lack any viable sense of humor, the second portion of this entry as it relates to shoes, handbags, Brit Brit and dogs is satire.